Looking for proof that reading is still relevant? Searching for an excuse to read that tawdry, Romance novel instead of doing the dishes?
Here are five straight-forward and practical reasons to read anywhere and anytime. So settle in, adjust your spectacles, and get that pug firmly situated in your lap, because I have lain before you ample reason to read as long as you wish.
1. Reading is a great way to waste time while being productive.
Looking for a way to waste your life, but without the haunting pangs of guilt? Read. If you are looking for a road to escape from your upcoming exam, then pick up the nearest book and lose yourself in it. A few minutes, or hours later, you will have the same mischievous feeling of having “gotten out of work,” while having bettered your mind and discovered what happens to Billy Budd.
2. Reading increases your vocabulary.
Tired of being stumped by tenacious, pompous, and pernicious vocabulary words? Be bamboozled no longer! Simply crack the nearest classic and lose yourself in a world of higher learning and better diction. Next thing you know, your reading comprehension will rival even the most pretentious in your acquaintanceship.
3. Reading gives you the ability to be literally anywhere.
Looking for a great cover for why you are idling next to the Hope diamond after hours in the Smithsonian? Simply bury your nose in a book and everyone will look on you fondly. Clearly, you are lost in the twentieth chapter of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire–there’s nothing sinister about that at all. For whatever reason, reading, or seeming to read with abandon, allows you to be wherever you wish, whenever you wish, for as long as you please.
4. Reading can save your life.
Chances are, if you are the type who reads literary blogs, keeps up with grammar “trends,” or says words like, “indubitably” on the regular, then you are just the sort of person who will be chased down by a deviant clown, axe murderer, or trigger-happy sociopath. In these harrowing games of cat and mouse you will be tempted to run idiotically around and eventually entrap yourself. Stop. Slide inside that covered rowboat, secret alcove, or second potato cellar, then crack open Dickens and escape to England while your would-be assailant wails in agony at the fruitlessness of his search. In a couple of hours or days, they will be gone and you will be all the wiser and more cultured.
5. Reading will make you hate yourself.
Now before you throw your prim, metallic tablet in disgust, wait. It makes sense…Reading shows you all the things you should and could do to better yourself, others, and the environment. It draws the drapes of new horizons, and forces you to look out your window into the vast expanse. Out there, in no-man’s land, there are people who are paid to walk dogs, tales of talking pickles, kingdoms won and lost, new inventions, different types of Velcro, and even the recipe for the cake that Marie Antoinette lost her head for…But you will never know. Unless you turn off the TV, take out an earbud, and open a flipping book. Let the self-loathing pour in. Let it consume you. Then you can simply read another book on how to improve yourself.